


Parkour

by fabricdragon



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: 007fest2018, BAMF Q, Bets & Wagers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parkour, TeamBondVillain, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-05-31 17:54:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15124796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabricdragon/pseuds/fabricdragon
Summary: The assumption that just because Q isn't a field agent means he isn't capable...is about to get several people in trouble- possibly including Q.Parkour is a training discipline, sport, and movement practice that originated in France and was developed from military obstacle course training. It involves seeing one's environment in a new way, and imagining the potential for navigating it by movement around, across, through, over and under its features.





	1. Chapter 1

James was on down time: the only thing keeping him halfway sane was that Alec was as well.  Of course this did lead to some… incidents… as they tried to find ways to alleviate the boredom and the tension.  One of the things they’d been doing is pestering Q for equipment upgrades and asking to test things… This had generally not been going well, but he did say he might have something for them to test soon.

“As long as you stop pestering me about it!  The more you interrupt the less work I get done, the less likely you are to get anything to test…” Q snapped.

Bond beat a hasty retreat.

Alec came by to ask about the testing and James just shook his head.

“Well, I can’t just SIT here!” Alec sighed, “Tag?”

“Tag.” Agreed James, “Who’s running it today?”

“Tanner, actually, so it should be fairly tough.”

James perked up at that, and they headed down.

Tanner was running a group through it so they had to wait.  Still, watching the group of new agents–most of whom thought they had the makings of a Double O–entirely fail to get through the course?  That did take some of the stress off.

By the time the course was clean and ready to go all of the currently off duty Double Os were there, even Five with his leg in a cast.

“May not be able to run through, but I can heckle from the control room!” He said cheerfully.  He would too.

It was, of course, based loosely on military obstacle courses, but in deference to their more usual missions they had one for woodland terrain and one that is urban, complete with walls, cars, sewer pipes and office buildings. It’s even more realistic now that Alec half demolished one of the buildings to simulate a war zone. M had questioned that, but Alec had insisted he did it for training purposes.

Of course he always grinned when they went over that part of the course.

Even without that addition it's a tough course: walls of various heights and materials, railings–some of which will support a grown man and some won’t, stairs, random objects…

And depending on who’s running the course? Sniper fire and landmines–paint…usually. Tanner’s running it so of course there will be some surprises waiting.

Bond was looking forward to it.

…

Q was finally ready to test something so of COURSE the two agents who have been underfoot for days? Are nowhere to be found.   _Figured._

Inquiring after them Q is told that all of the available agents, and Tanner, are down in the “agents’ gym obstacle course”… so for the first time he goes down to the agents’ area...

"Do they let boffins into gyms?" Some junior agent that hasn’t dealt with him snidely calls when Q walks in. 

The spreading silence from the senior agents causes some hint of self-preservation to awaken in the fellow and he looks around warily.

"What’s all this then?" Q asks, a very faint smile beginning to play on his lips.

“Competitive tag, mostly." Bond says, “We were just about to run the course.”

“Looks easy enough.” Q says– he can practically see the puffed up egos of the senior agents in response.

“Oh? Feel up to trying it?” Alec is the first one to voice what they are all thinking. “Since it looks easy enough.”

“Certainly, why?”

“Prove it.”

Q’s smirk gets a bit more evident, and most of the agents long to wipe it off his face–James especially. “What's in it for me?” Q asks with a direct gaze at the most troublesome two, James and Alec.

“If you can even make it across the course without breaking or spraining something...” Bond says slowly, “I'll tell you exactly what happened to that dosimeter.”

“Really...” Q tilts his head. He never did get a believable story about that one.

“Safe bet.” Alec snorts.

Q narrows his eyes at Alec’s response and looks back at Bond. “Insufficient and ...what are you wanting if you win?”

“You...in my bed.”  James smirked; figuring Q would either slap him or back down–he didn’t want the Quartermaster injured, after all.

Utter silence fell over the entire group.  Tanner’s eyes widened–he didn’t know if the Quartermaster would laugh, ignore him, shoot him, or call HR.

Q went very still. “…And if I win?”

“If you win…?” Bond quirked a smile, _well it was a novel retort._

“Well?”

“What would you want?” Bond laughed.  

Alec was beginning to look worried between the two–Equipment and support was critical for their missions, God help James if he cocked this up.  They’d flirted–hell, every Double O except Eight flirted like it was breathing–but this was a bit far. Q usually either ignored it or snarked back, but…

Q’s precise Quartermaster voice answered, “One evening....my rules. Anything I say goes.”

Most of the agents were just frozen, but by this point the senior most–Tanner and the Double Ohs– were looking back and forth with the fascination of watching someone playing catch with live grenades.

Bond hesitated, “Anything?”

“Yes. Anything. Whether that's filling out my damned paperwork or bringing me breakfast in bed...” and then Q smiled, viciously, “And you can't tell anyone what I asked for.”

The hair on the back of Bond’s neck stood up just a bit… Poker was a game he was very familiar with and Q didn’t seem to be bluffing, but… “Nothing that violates national security or renders me unfit for duty, of course.”

“Likewise, Double 07...with a reminder that my hands are critical tools.”

Bond smiled, “Sure... why not? Deal.”

There was an indrawn breath from almost everyone.  Q just turned to the course, “I haven’t played on your field… what are your goals? Where is the target?”

Five explained, concisely, as if he was reporting to the Quartermaster on field conditions. Given the unusual nature of the competition, neither of them would have a gun, but they would be shot at on the course–with time penalties for each paintball strike.

Tanner had visions of Q sending the agents out with actual water pistols and chewing gum as he so often threatened.  “Maybe this isn’t such a great–”

“Hey James, give the poor guy a head start.” Alec said, uneasy for some reason he couldn’t quite name.

“You don't want to.” Q was stripping off the sweater and button down shirt, revealing a slim fitting dark undershirt. He took off his shoes and socks and placed all of them off to one side.

“We normally run through this in a group,” Bond said politely, “But since we have a private bet… it will just be you and me.”

“Not taking anything off?” Q looked the man over–still in his suit.

Bond smirked, “Not until I get you home.”

Tanner looked back and forth at the two of them and directed them to the two starting positions. “Ready?” he asked, absolutely certain that no matter what happened M was going to have his hide.

“Ready.” Bond deliberately looked at Q’s ass, as if already planning on his win.

Q either didn’t notice, or didn’t care, but said something like “prêts” and as Bond looked over in surprise, Tanner said:

“Go!”

 


	2. When the Quartermaster smiles...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ready, Set...GO.  
> (Note, my husband is still too ill to proof read for me, all mistakes my own.)

Q was stripping off the sweater and shirt–bulky and too restrictive, not to mention too warm for exercising– when his temper started to cool.  By the time he’d taken off his shoes–hard soles and impossible to climb in–and his socks–too likely to slip– he was properly back to a centered space in his head.

He was going to have that idiot agent sneering about boffins scrubbing behind the equipment with a toothbrush.

And he was going to have Bond’s hide tacked to the wall for daring to suggest that bet if he won.  How DARE he?  Not only was that a direct insult to him, but it hurt his working relationship with every single agent present.

Five knew better, but then David and he had more personal history.  He glanced at the control booth as he took up his position and saw the brightly colored hair of his second, Danielle.  _Charming_. One hoped she remembered the betting rules for Q branch.

 _I am going to murder Bond_. Q thought grimly.

“{Ready}” Q said, ignoring them all, focusing on the terrain, the goals; already mapping his way across.

Tanner said “Go” and he did.

Fastest way to begin was to jump from the starting point to that wall, then use that to tumble down to the ground level, picking up speed. 

Under that railing and off the side of the stairs.

The building wall was too high and too smooth to get to that roof, but the open window was an option,  he jumped, sprang, caught the ledge and pulled, rolling through and in, surprising the sniper.  Without thinking he grabbed the weapon and dove away– _direct confrontation unlikely to succeed: remove weapon and MOVE_ – he was back out the window and slapping the wall to slow his descent, still holding the gun in his other hand.

He ran, turning the corner and using the railing as a springboard to scale the wall, and over, and down.

~

Bond heard “Go” and went.  He ran down the ramp from his starting position, glancing back to see where Q was, but he was… _wait_ , Bond’s head jerked UP even as he turned the corner around that wall, and caught a flash of leg disappearing over the… _top of the wall_?  The wall across from Q’s starting point?  But…

Bond cleared his head and kept moving.  He ran, sliding from cover to cover–the snipers Tanner used were good, but not great, simulating the typical opposition in the field.  He wouldn’t have trotted out the GREAT snipers given the nature of the competition… _hmm_ …

Given that, Bond took a calculated risk and cut fast across open terrain, he made it without a shot fired, although he thought he heart shouts from the watchers…

~

Alec stared as their skinny, messy haired, posh boy voiced Quartermaster…turned into someone he desperately hoped to never meet in the field.

He defied gravity in ways that Alec with his heavier build had seen, but couldn’t quite manage.

He didn’t take the usual means, or even the unusual means, to get to the goal, but he was FLYING through the course.

And then the cameras spotted him all but levitating up a wall and into a window… the sniper had been at the next window over and turned…

And then Q had his gun and dove out the window and…

_What the hell was he, Spider-Man?_

~

 _Extra time bonus for capturing one of the flags_ , Q heard Five’s voice in his mind as he decided. 

He ran, twisting the paintball gun into his belt, and used the abandoned car to reach the top of that wall, counting on the snipers not being prepared yet for him being there.

He ran the length of it and jumped, grabbing the tilted railing, letting it slow his descent. 

He rolled pulling the gun free and switched from Traceur to weapons tester and back: _target, fire, leave weapon behind, grab the flag, go._

~

Bond didn’t spare a thought for taking it easy on Q–Agents simply weren’t wired that way– so he went up the wall, not around it, and tumble vaulted over it to the higher level on the other side.  A paintball round hit behind him as he leapt from there to the stairs and started down, jumping from level to level.

He calculated and grabbed the bit of lumber, and ran.

Use it as a ladder, grabbing the sides and running up it to the wall top, haul it up after him, carry it along the wall, use it was a bridge over the corrugated metal wall that was too sharp to grab or climb and down…

Go.

He skidded into the flag zone to find it missing, the sniper wiping paint from his eye protection, unable to see, and a discarded paintball gun.

_The hell?_

He grabbed the gun off the ground and moved.

Q couldn’t have gotten here ahead of him: he didn’t even know the course!

~

Danielle smiled sweetly as she narrated into the audio pick up for the control room, Q branch, and several other places in MI6.

“For those unable to watch the video: the Quartermaster is still ahead in time, and has captured the flag for an added time bonus. He is on route to the exit goal.” She paused and being fair, added, “Agent Bond has just entered the flag zone and retrieved the discarded weapon.”

She glanced over at Tanner, “As a reminder, you promised to upgrade the dinner menu for every second Q was ahead of Bond.” She smirked, “At this rate you’ll be hiring Q branch our own chef.”

She looked over at the agents, most of whom looked dumbfounded–except Five, oddly enough–“Need I remind you that most of you have already lost your bets?”

She turned back to the cameras, but not before she saw Five collecting a few bets and getting his crutches.

“I’m heading to the end area… Most of these guys aren’t carrying enough cash to settle their bets here.” Five was grinning.

“Did you KNOW about this?”  One of the junior agents almost squeaked.

Five just paused at the door, “Well… I did bet on Q.” he glanced at Alec, “Seven better grovel pretty well.” And he went out.

Danielle muttered, “You can say that again.”

~

Bond had run this course and Q hadn’t.  If Q had already gotten to the flag then Bond’s only advantage was knowing the terrain and having a paintball gun.

He took the shortest route possible, hoping Tanner hadn’t bothered to put many snipers there since agents typically didn’t bother with it.

He evaded fire from one, returned fire–hit the window, not the sniper: fire again. Bond didn’t bother to take cover just moved fast and kept low.  His next shot hit the sniper in the goggles.

Bond cursed in disbelief as he saw Q’s lanky form  run straight at the wall below the  exit door… he fired and spattered a bit of paint onto Q’s trouser leg as Q…

Hit the wall…

Bounced to the other wall…

Hit the wall again higher…

Locked both arms over the edge of the platform and pulled himself up and over

Gone.

Bond hit the stairs three at a time and followed him through the exit.

_I… lost?_

~

Five handed Q a bottle of water and took the flag.  “Good job, now walk it off, Quartermaster.”

Q just nodded and started walking in circles around the  area, ignoring the other agents slowly coming into the room, ignoring anything but the fact that he hadn’t stretched properly beforehand and he really needed to eat something.

Bond came in and Five handed him a bottle of water as well, “Walk it off James.” He lowered his voice, “Also?  You better be as good on your knees apologizing as you are at other things or you are going into the field with a bottle cap gun.”

Five sat back with a grin and thought about using his winnings to take a vacation–he already had plenty of money; it was the principal of the thing.

~

Danielle brought Q his clothing.

“Need a shower first.” Q shook his head. 

“Of course, sir, and may I say that Q branch and our new menu–possibly personal chef– thanks you?”

Q looked at the smirk on her face. “Who bet THAT?”

“Tanner.”

“Fuck him.” Q muttered, his anger starting to boil back up.

“Also I made my month’s salary at least today, so…”

“You know the rules on betting.” Q said firmly.

“…Which are?” Alec–Double O Six– asked.

Q looked over at him with a smile, “The person winning the bet gets half, in this case: me.”

Bond started to say something and Q smiled at him too, “You will report to my office at the end of business day to settle accounts–which includes the final bet AND the actual report on the dosimeter.  Good day.”

~

Alec felt really uneasy and looked at Bond, “err… at least he’s taking it well?”

Danielle stared at them, “Do you honestly think so?”

“He was smiling…?” Bond said, having stripped down to a bare chest trying to cool off.

Danielle looked pityingly at the room full of agents. “Gentlemen… The Quartermaster smiles on two occasions: when he is very happy about something, and when he is very, very angry.”

She arched an eyebrow at them, “Three guesses which one he is right now.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZxNbAwY_rk (Parkour chase clip from Casino Royale)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the immediate aftermath in several places...

M raked Tanner over the coals and then salted him for good measure, and when Tanner turned to go lick his wounds in peace M made him stay…

And called in Bond.

“Before you say a word, Bond, I will point out that every single agent off duty has been suggested for retraining exercises.” M narrowed his eyes, “With several selected out for psychology evaluations, and some truly… inspired… suggestions for team building and skill building efforts.”

“By Q I suppose.” Bond stood at attention.

“Indeed.  Now interestingly enough, there were four individuals picked out for especial attention here.” M tapped a print out.

“Four?”

“You and Trevelyan don’t surprise me– you tend to get into trouble as a pair– a low level agent I never heard of before this–but he’s going to regret coming to my attention– and Mister Tanner.” M frowned at Tanner, “and I didn’t even know there was a problem until this crossed my desk.”

“Things…got out of hand.” Bond said slowly, “I’m afraid that I was just teasing the Quartermaster in the same way I might tease Alec and… I suspect it went over badly.”

“Went over badly… what an interesting phrase for it, Commander Bond.  You, of all people, should know the importance of the Quartermaster maintaining the respect of the agents…”

“Yes, sir.” Bond winced slightly, “I quite frankly forgot that he WASN’T viewed as another one of the agents… as far as that went.  I hadn’t considered how this would impact his work.  On the plus side the fact that he not only finished the course, but beat my time handily–and everyone could see I wasn’t slacking– has gained him a great deal of respect.”

“I suggest you get to your fellow agents–especially Trevelyan– and emphasize that.  Dismissed.” M added, “NOT you, Tanner, I’m not finished.”

~

Bond caught up with Alec and they walked off until they came to one of the less electronic areas.

“How bad is it?” Bond asked.

“Judy? The cute secretary?” Alec said with a wince and a twitch in one eye.

“Uh oh”

“She mysteriously ‘can’t find’ any of our expense reports.”

“Fuuuuck.” Bond leaned into the wall.

“And I don’t think that was Q because she glared at me the entire time she said it.”

“I’m going to try to apologize.”

“Not until quitting time, neither of us are…” Alec sighed, “Q branch locked the doors and apparently ordered in Pizza.  No Agents allowed–they taped a sign on the door; mis-spelled ‘agents’ too.”

“Any suggestions?”

Alec chewed on his lip, “Explosions or suicide by mysterious stapler accident?”

“Any good suggestions?”

“Ask Five? David seemed a bit more clued in.”

Bond perked up, “right!”  And they went in search of agent Double O Five.

~

By the time Q came out of his office–after suggesting some of the vilest  punishments he could imagine under the guise of training exercises– his branch had apparently  devolved into a child’s birthday party.  There were streamers and confetti and about twenty pizzas and more sugar than this lot should EVER be trusted with.

“Ah. We’re celebrating?” Q asked no one in particular.

There was a sudden, horrible, out of tune and excessively enthused rendition of “for Q’s a jolly good fellow” that probably drove any rats or cockroaches out of the branch.

R came up brightly and…

“Are you wearing a pirate hat?”

“We sent out for paper hats!” she said brightly. “We have locked the agents out until end of shift, and we’re taking turns monitoring the missions, so… have a slice of pizza and pick a hat!”

Q shook his head and plucked the pirate hat off of her head, “Unless you have a ‘quartermaster hat’ I’ll take this as the closest approximation.”

There were cheers.

~

When they finally found him Five looked up and smirked. “Figured you wouldn’t look here for a while.”  He was in MEDICAL of all places, with his leg propped up on a desk and a group of worried looking staff keeping their distance.

Bond walked in. _Never show fear, nurses could smell fear_. “It’s not where we would expect you, no.”

Alec hissed, “Why are you in here?” He was doing a good impression of a vampire trying to walk on Holy Ground.

“Payback,” David said happily. “Did you know that according to Q you are BOTH due for your vaccines?”

He wouldn’t talk to them until they’d both been stabbed and drained of several vials of blood in addition.

When the medical people had had their vengeance, Alec glared at him, “I hate you.”

“Music to my ears, Trevelyan.” He waved a hand, “So?”

Bond sighed and sat down carefully–he’d needed a LOT of boosters according to them. “So you knew.”

“Yup.”

“Mind telling us how?”

“I met Q before he came to work here; just… or maybe he’d just started but hadn’t risen in the ranks yet.”   David grinned at the dumbfounded looks on both of the men. “And as it happened I ran into him in France.”

“In France?  Buying chocolates or something?”

“Training in parkour.” David smiled politely. “There was a group of them going over some pretty astounding moves.  I asked if I could join in, got told I could if I could keep up…” he laughed, “and I couldn’t–not at first.” 

He sipped his coffee. “Ended up chatting up several of them including Q, who helped me brush up on my evasion and obstacle course work. Then after we met again here at MI6 he started helping me practice again– which is why I ONLY have a broken leg and not a broken neck from that last mission.”

Alec groaned and Bond just muttered under his breath.

“Did you know Q can damn near levitate up a wall?” David looked innocently at them, “or have you not reviewed the footage yet.”

“I saw it live.” Alec shook his head.

Bond winced, “Yes, I reviewed the footage, and…frankly I don’t understand why he kept it a secret.”

“It’s not a secret. He practices most weekends with a group here in London–when he isn’t working– and does free rock climbing too.” David shrugged. “I joined the same gym; they have a great rock wall.”

“If it’s so not a secret why didn’t anyone know about it?” Bond sputtered.

“I don’t know,” David raised an eyebrow at him, “Maybe because none of you ever bothered to show an interest in the man outside of what he could do for you.”  He tilted his head, “Oh and Gentlemen? Free advice… Your apologies better be damn good.”  David looked around, “Gee, shift change already? Don’t you have a bet to pay off?”

 


End file.
